This afternoon once my school ended i tried to rush home trying to run away from fact. I don't wish that my friend "Zhi Xiang" quit school as i am very confident that if he continue to study, he will had a good future.
Yet in the end i still can't the fact. He still insist on his decision. This is the path that he had choose himself. I can't change anything. I am so sad and disappointed. Thought that he will reconsider his decision yet i receive a message from him at around 12.45pm this afternoon he send me:

"Hello to all my IQG friends, this is Zhi Xiang (Jimmy), today was my last day of school with you all! Due to somw of my personal and family's financial problem . Although only spend for 1 month plus, maybe i seldom interact or didn't really communicate wit some of you all, but i think our class is the best! So i hope that after i leave the school, won't affect your studies and emotion, all the best to your studies and don't stress yourself up. Just try your very best b'cos at the end of the day, you're the one who sit for the exam. Wish you all exam pass with flying colour!! :)"

When i saw this sms, I cried... I was on the train... People looking at me seem like other bully me yet nobody!!! I just cried because i was touch after reading the sms.. It was so true so real so reality if i can stop the time if i can change the fact, i hope that everything will stop at the happiest time. I know that thing will not be always be what we want, it will not be everyday be happy. Everybody comes and goes just like my boyfriend told me yesterday. Yet i still can't bear that he is leaving us. I just known him not long only yet he is one of the kind of person that i can communication with now i lost 2 friends in one day.. Vivien also feel like quiting i also do not know ytd she want me to tell teacher that she decided to quit i did not. I do not want this kind of thing happend to anyone of us in the class i do not like anyone leave us we are just like one family.

I am so sad so sad. Just in a day i seem like i lose everything in my world. My life is already black and white can't i have a colour in my life? Why is God so unfair to us? Especially me!!I just can't stop crying even now i am still crying when i think back to the sms... Is not anything is just so unfair that every of my friend that i know or i wish that i can be with them they will just leave me in so sudden. So sudden that i have not prepare myself. I am seem to be strong yet i am weak but nobody would know. Nobody cares. Everyone only know how to think of themselve only they are so selfish!!!


sherilyn

Oh my god i finally pass my driving test. I am so happy. Although i had passed my test, I am still very dangerous to drive on the road my dear...Hmm should I tell my boyfriend and my god daddy about it to share with them this good news? Or shall i wait till i take my lisence then i show it to tell make them a surprise? Hais i do not know wor.. This month i had spent lots of money on Cab, foods, driving and my Ez-link card man!!! Damn it sia... Know what? i spent more then $50 on my transport with the stupid ezlink card as i had not took my ezlink card yet... Hais.... I need to wait till monday then i go to take my ezlink card photo then still got to wait fot around 1 month after taking the stupid picture then i can take... For the whole 1 month, i need to spend lots of money in my transport... My school is sux man... Everything lost.. Next time got thing cannot leave it ort give it to any of our school students or taecher or either any of the staff in charge... Everything will get lost ... Haiz holiday still long my dear... This time my holiday going to be boring hais.. My dear did not on leave for me to accompany me... How i wish that my dear can accompany me out with my school trip yet in the end i know that he doesn't like to accompany me out with either my school, my family, or neither my friend... I am so sad and disappointed... How i wsh that one day he will say ask me to bring my family out togather with us and he can love my family as well as everything i like or love. I had been waiting for this days for a very long time i do not know i really do not know when will the day be coming... I don even dare to think abou this question i know that it will be a very long time when this happen.. Only when the day he married me then he will maybe also will not as i am the person who is going to married to his family.. I do not want to married to his family i want to married to him only i am not the maid for his family.. I want to be his wife na not hisMAID!!!! I do not know Do not know ... Lets wait and see... Let him proof it to me that he really loved and care about me... Let him proof it to me that he treat me as his lao po and not his maid nor either his family maid... Let us be patience!!


tingfang

Once again come to his house so boring. Other then doing my homework is to sleep and wait for time to go for my driving lesson. Life is really too boring. I wishes that i can faster pass my driving test. My coming driving test is on this friday. Haiz i do not have confident with it already. It is my third time of the test I do not wish to fail again. If i fail again, I really do not wish to take the test ready yet i can't have a choice. I must pass I really must pass the test this time i do not wish to fail again. I am sick and tired of it ready. I am being force force to do something that i do not like. It had been a long time my bf had not bring me out. Other then fishing and prawning, I had not been other place other then school, my home, and his house and lastly my workplace. My life was not colourful anymore. It had turn into black and white. So plain so dull so cold and so sad. I can't do anything that i like i even can't speak out my words. I means wordless... In my bf life was his work, his job, his family, his hobbies, his computer, his friend... I stand no place. Even if i am at his house, he also can play his computer till so happy then accompany me. The time he use to accompany me had become lesser and lesser till i can say that he had no time for me. This morning he called me and i told him that he had less time to accompany me then his friend and hobbies and computer. Yet you know what is his reply? He reply me that we still had a long time to go and he can accompany me more then this time next time. Hais he do not understand. Next time next time?? When the day we had started our family togather, he will surely leave his time for his work for his friend and hobbies. Till that time i ask the same question again, his reply will be diffreent ready. At that time he will me that we had ready spent more then enough time togather for .... years now is the time that we can have our own things as we had been stable ready... Hais for sure!!! I do not want to believe in anything anymore. Now is the time i feel that he should give up something for me and to love and care more about me already. I had been loving and careing for him for such a long time. Does he knew it? Can he feel it? I do not know but i know that i had already done more then enough for him. Giving up something so that i can had more time for him. I know that if he knew it he wil say that he never ask me to give up yet if i never give up something, our relationship will not be till now. Now is the time for him to find out for him to cherish and understand what had i done for him. I do not want to regret for giving him a chance to be with me i do not want to be wrong and wrong again and again. I had enough of that kind of life ready. I want my life to be colourful and beautiful. I want my life to be like a heaven I want a wonderful and no regret in my life again. I want to be a happiest person to be love and care by my bf. Can't i have it. For now i really do not know i do not wish nor either to think of it. As i do not want to have any hope and saddness again.

tingfang

My life was so boring... Hours and hour, days and days doing the same old things.
Nothing is different. Just like eating sleeping and studying also including working in my life other then that, i do not have any fun. Humans being are always wearing a mask everywhere they go including me as well.. sometime i do not know why we need to be so careful and so worry about.. Maybe we don feel comfortable with the person we are with nor either with the environment we are in now. I am scare that my test i can't get a good marks. I am stress...!!! So stress that i feel like giving up. Working working and working, studying and studying... What elso can i do when then can i have my own life that i wishes to have? I am tired of the life that i have now i am sad who would know?
Althought i everyday seem to be laughing and having a big smile on my face, who would know that i am sad? who would know that i am having lots of trouble? Nobodys knows it. I have been always thinking for others and yet who have ever had a thought for me? I do not know maybe even my boyfriend also do not know what i am thinking about. I can't say anything. He had his own job and job to stress... Me too i have lots of thing got to think about. I am stress too.. who would know it?
Why am i always be left aside? Why can't i have love and care from others? Is it that i am seem to be strong enough that i do not need someone to care about nor love me? I am not a strong person i am so weak yet till i also do not know what i am doing sometime.
Do you know that sometime i even had a though and feeling that my boyfriend is lying to me and was also having another girl behind my back. Even if he say that he love me infornt of me...
I am too stress... Too stress till i do not know what i am thinking of now... Maybe what i am thinking is no longer be something that i think too much... Maybe is something that is true and it is also happening in reality. I am disappointed of it and especially myself.. i am too selfish till i can't accept that my boyfriend having another girl behind me. I do now like to see him being so cold to me i do not like to see that he seem to be so happy with others girls no matter who is it... Even if others people also do not like to see their partner with other opposite gender seem to be happier then being with them..
I am confuse i do not know what to do i don't even know that i am thinking nor typing about now.... Let me think about it again... Let the faith be what it would be. I gave up ready...

tingfang ...(v.v)...

Last thursday, after school i went home and i got a call from the company ask me to go work at night. They need me to bring my own clothes and accessories and some of my accessories is at my dear house therefore i called him and told him that i need to go down to his house to take my thing so that i can go work. I went to his house at around 4.00pm. We meet at the coffee shop to have his lunch and before that he was doing his own things therefore i never go down to meet him so early. Then i waited for the time to pass to 7.00pm so that i can go work. Yet in the end my company boss called me and told me that the timing change to 11.00pm ready and she ask me to go out at 11.00pm from house cause the programme overrun therefore so late. Before we went out, dear seem to be very sad and emo as he can't have his own time for himself yet this is not i wanted too.. I also wish that i can give him his own time for himself. It is my fault for making him so sad so emo so unhappy. I don't wish to see thing to become like this. I have never though of this at all. At that moment, I wishes that i can rejected the job and make my dear happy not so sad. I wishes that i can accompany my dear for fishing nor either prawning.Sigh....Sometime i feel that i am not a good girlfriend to him. I do not know what he want. Even if i know, I also cannot give him. I am so sad I feel so bad and so failure. I cannot help him with all his problem I cannot make him tell me all his sorrow i cannot make him feel so comfortable being with me. I do not know if he love me or not i just know that i am very selfish i want him to love me i want him to care for me i want him to be only mine. Yet I do not know what he want from me . I don't even know lots of thing of him i am so stupid and so selfish. I hope that i can understand him more and i can love him more in order he let me love him i also hope that he can care for me and love me as much as i love him

今天天气蛮好的
天气好没有用男朋友不知道我要的是什么
我自希望他多关心我多陪我可是一切都是相反的
我刚才他电话叫他起床 他一点也不开心
我觉得所做的都是一厢情愿
我好伤心没有心情去做工
我一点都不开心每天带着面具去上班以及面对他
以为他今天早放工就问他要不要送我回家
结果给他骂
我不知道要怎样和他说话每次河和他说话之前都要想很清楚以防给他骂
我知道他今天心情不好不够睡哪又怎样？
我每天也不和他一样那他知道吗？
他一点也不懂他也不会过问我的心情
我和他在一起河自己一个人没什么两样。
唯一的不一样就是当他向我的时候有我陪着他和他在一起
他从来也不会告诉我他的事情总之久好像他一个人在过他自己的生活史的
我不喜欢他不开心更加不希望他不快乐
但就是天天这样
我能够做些什么呢?
我累了开始有点累了
我不知道该做些什么才好了.
希望一切都能够像以前一样快快乐乐的就好
从今天起我也不想再问他的事情了
我也像然他知道他是真样子对待我的.
一个人的付出是不够的
爱情真的是盲目的得到的东西不懂得珍惜的人是愚蠢的
有一天他一定会失去的.
我对这段爱情开始心灰意冷了
我再也不想付出了因为我付出了太多太多,再也每人可比了!
我放弃了.拥有的,我只会感谢上帝!
失去的我只会放开.
事时候放开了.也许放开会更加得开乐, 也许我放开了他才会更加珍惜我.
我死心了. 是他让我死心的.我累了.是他把我搞得那么的累
我不哭了因为我不再爱了.我不再心疼了因为我不想在关心了
有没有快乐我也不在乎了.
什么天长地久?我不再相信了.什么你一定会证明给我看,
我不再渴望了.我只相信现实不再相信誓言!


婷芳上

Holidays is going to be over in 4 days time
Hmm.. This holiday i have not do anything
Other than staying at home is still staying at home to rot
I am rotting soon
Haix
When school starts, i will have my busy life with project project and project
At that time i will be busy till i do not have time to do my own thing again
Hmm..
My aunt in China just pass away
I cannot go there cause i do not have the money to go
In Singapore, everythings also need money
Money Money Money
I hate this world
I hate money
Hais Hais Hais
I do not know what to do
I am confuse.
Hope everythings goes well
May God bless me !!!

She's named SherilynTewTingFang,
she loved to be pampered.UNLESS provoke,she'll turn NASTY!
Trust is ESSENTIAL to be her friend!
Her life will never again turn BLACK AND WHITE
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